Day 18 of the Great Lent: Don't be "holier" than others

One of the greatest champions of the Orthodox Church is, in my own opinion, Fr. Thomas Hopko. Among his plethora of sermons and lectures, he has delivered a podcast on Ancient Faith Radio with a list of 55 maxims, one maxim for each day of the Great Lent.

Today's maxim is: 

"Be an ordinary person. Be one of the human race. Don't ever say: 'I thank you God, I'm not like other people.' Try to be like others as much as you can. Be ordinary. As the Russian writer Chekov said: 'Everything outside the ordinary is from the Devil.'"

This powerful maxim can be applied to the spiritual life in so many ways. The first thing I thought of when reading this maxim was the similarly-themed quote from CS Lewis' Mere Christianity:

"One of the marks of a certain type of bad man is that he cannot give up a thing himself without wanting everyone else to give it up. That is not the Christian way. An individual Christian may see fit to give up all sorts of things for special reasons -- marriage, or meat, or beer, or the cinema; but the moment he starts saying the things are bad in themselves, or looking down his nose at other people who do use them, he has taken the wrong turning."

Not only does this quote scream "DON'T JUDGE OTHERS!!", it also gives a powerful argument as to why the world is not divided into "good people" and "bad people," "good things" and "bad things." The music or movies that I see as a temptation may not pose the slightest threat to another's spiritual life. My fellow Christian's greatest worldly struggle may seem to me a fool's trick. Lots of people choose not to drink for religious reasons, but my idol, CS Lewis, loved beer and often said so in his writings.

Something I have discovered is that, unless we are in a position of taking care of someone else, like a father of confession or a parent or older sibling, these are things we should not worry about except in our own lives.

I recently found myself in a situation where I erroneously judged someone very dear to me for just such a reason. My initial reaction was to defend myself, build up the usual wall of excuses of "step 1 studying" and "school" and "stress," and then I realized - no one wants to hear it. Like my fellow med student was saying the other day, we chose this path. No one forced us into it. We knew how difficult and stressful it would be. We took the plunge, and now we must build our wings on the way down. Should our relationships with others suffer because of a voluntary choice we made? Do we let our interactions with others slide downhill without making a conscious effort to become better at all times even in the midst of running through med school?

This life as a Coptic Christian and as a medical student is only going to get harder, more stressful, more demanding. And yet I never want it to become an excuse for myself to "let myself go," so to speak. With this post, I urge all my friends and those know me and care about me, and those of you out there who know medical students, to constantly encourage them to better themselves all the time (while please kindly being sympathetic to their perhaps marathon of sleepless nights!). Don't let us slide. Please. Keep watch for our souls when we are too tired to keep watch for ourselves.

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Update: Fr. Thomas Hopko passed away yesterday, March 18, 2015. The world lost a great man, but heaven gained a great saint. I will not post anything about his life or works; what can I say that would do him justice? You can google him and find all his podcasts on Ancient Faith Radio. Pray for us, Father.

The Nativity and Crucifixion from a Medical Perspective

I recently came across an incredible article titled "A Physician's View of the Crucifixion of Jesus Christ," in which the author describes what must have happened to Christ's body during His Crucifixion in medical and anatomical detail. I will be the first to admit that I've always pretty much taken this salvific and life-giving event for granted, but reading this article really made me realize how much excruciating pain Christ must have endured as His holy Body was stretched far beyond any imaginable limits.

I mean, one lesson I certainly never had in Sunday School was how exactly one dies by crucifixion - Is it from loss of blood from the nail piercings and eventual hypotensive shock? Is it from dehydration mixed with unthinkable pain and emotional agony?

Here's how the article's author describes how difficult it must have been for Christ to even draw in a breath of air while He was on the cross:

"Hanging by his arms, the pectoral muscles are paralyzed and the intercostal muscles are unable to act. Air can be drawn into the lungs, but cannot be exhaled. Jesus fights to raise Himself in order to get even one short breath. Finally, carbon dioxide builds up in the lungs and in the blood stream and the cramps partially subside. Spasmodically, he is able to push Himself upward to exhale and bring in the life-giving oxygen."

Intrigued? Read the rest of the article here.

If that isn't enough to set your medical mind reeling, consider also the verses from Luke that chronicle the Visitation of St. Mary with Elizabeth:

"Now Mary arose in those days and went into the hill country with haste, to a city of Judah, and entered the house of Zacharias and greeted Elizabeth." - Luke 1:39

In fact, there is only a single verse in all the Gospels that describe the actual journey of St. Mary to Elizabeth. We know from Luke 1:26 that the Annunciation of Christ's birth to St. Mary occurred in the sixth month of Elizabeth's pregnancy, and since St. Mary stayed with her cousin for three months, it is conceivable that she was with Elizabeth until the birth of St. John. This probably means that St. Mary left her house to visit Elizabeth right after the Annunciation, when she herself was in the first month of her own pregnancy with Christ.

Now, what really gets me going over this is that St. Mary voluntarily left the comfort of her house in Nazareth, went into the "hill country" (that sounds super comfortable, read: sarcasm) with "haste" to a city in Judah, a journey that has been estimated to be about 100 miles. That's about the distance from NYC to Philadelphia. These days, that would be about a 1.5 hour car ride. Two hours with that gosh-darn traffic. In the ancient world, where you're probably hitching a ride on a donkey? 3-5 days at least (donkey transportation averaged 20 miles a day, camels anywhere from 30-100 miles a day, and walking can get you 20 miles a day, but I really sincerely hope St. Mary didn't walk it).

So the point is the last thing I would want to do in the initial stages of pregnancy when my hormones are raging and morning sickness is making me nauseous and vomiting my breakfast, is take a 100-mile journey through dusty, unpaved roads to visit someone else who is even more pregnant than me, and then take care of her for three months (I get exhausted after 20 minutes with a patient!). It just highlights how utterly unselfish and loving the Virgin Mother of Christ must have been, and I can truly believe that she did all this without even the slightest thought of complaint!

 

Waste Your Time Wisely

I grew up with an unorthodox Orthodox priest. That is to say - he was (is) so strictly adherent to Orthodox living that by today's standards, it's unorthodox. And I love him dearly for it. One of the things I love and appreciate most about my priest is that he has these sayings, his words of wisdom, that he repeats constantly to us in Sunday school and in his Sunday morning sermons. "Love in truth and truth in love," he always says, or "Ma'feesh cell phone fe kenesah! [No cell phones in church!]," or "Odas sa'a tamania! [Liturgy is at 8:00!]"

But my favorite of his, and the one that always plays back in my mind as I grow older, is "Your time is your life. You waste your time, you waste your life."

Your time is your life. You waste your time, you waste your life. Your time is your life.

Never have these words meant so much to me as they do now, in this isolated, surreal five-month block of time that I think of in my head as "Step 1 time," in which I have absolutely no free time at all. (Even writing this blog post is cutting into time I have scheduled to be studying an Infectious Disease lecture...hopefully it's a wise waste of time...). A recently graduated medical student once told me, "You'll never again in your life be able to study for anything the way you are about to study for Step 1." That's how intense the studying gets for this most crucial of licensing exams.

And now that I'm scheduling every precious hour of my life so precisely in order to achieve my end goal, now that every minute must be spent carefully in order to avoid any wasted time, I think back to how much time I wasted before and almost cringe at the remembrance of how much time I have wasted in my life. Did I really spend the summer binge-watching three full seasons of that TV show in one week? How could I have possibly let three months go by last year without opening my Bible just once? What have I been doing with my time? What have I been doing with my life?

No, I'm not having a mid-life crisis. I'm young, naive, bold, idealistic. But now that I can't afford to waste any time for fear of performing poorly on this exam, my eyes have been opened to just how poorly I have been using the time God has granted me in the past 20-odd years. Nothing will bring this time back. And boy, I really hope I never see the day when I am kneeling in front of the Almighty and He asks me, "What have you done with your time? Why did you waste your life?"

My dear friends and readers, never say to yourselves, "I don't have time." YOU HAVE THE TIME. If you are reading this and haven't yet said your daily prayers, GET UP NOW AND DO IT. GO. Close this window and close Facebook and hide your phone under a pillow for ten minutes and GO READ YOUR BIBLE. Don't let one more day go by in bitterness and hurt feelings and just go apologize to that person against whom anger has been festering in your heart. Go be productive and useful to society and expand your mind and learn something about the world. Go to church and sing praises and cry for forgiveness. GO. Don't waste your time. Your time is your life. Don't waste your life. 

"The Road Goes Ever On and On..."

Happy New Year's to all my dear readers!

2015 is not a year I have been looking forward to, primarily because of that monster of an exam, the United States Medical Licensing Exam Step 1 (known affectionately as just "Step 1" and in nightmares as "oh-my-god-oh-my-god-oh-my-god-step 1!!!!") occurring sometime around the mid-year.

This is probably the most important exam of my medical career, as it determines where I will match into residency after medical school. It requires a tremendous amount of preparation and discipline. I have sitting next to me a schedule for every single day of my life from January 1 - Step 1 Exam Date. Everything in my life in that 5-month time period - studying, church services, exercising, break times - is scheduled down to the hour. Gunner life.

So, the next five months will require the greatest amount of sacrifice I have ever been asked to make. I'm freaking out slightly even as I write this post.

Are there any other 2nd year Copts out there who would like to share their horror stories? Ideas for success? Prayers? Cries to the heavens for mercy? Share them in the comments below. And to all my other readers, please show your support with kind comments of encouragement and prayers for yours truly.

"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to." I pray to God that I survive to see "white shores, and beyond, a far green country under a swift sunrise."

And may the Journey begin.

Guest Post on Fr. Anthony Messeh's Blog!

Hello dear readers!!

Check out my guest post "Sanctify Ye a Fast" over at Fr. Anthony Messeh's blog Finding God in Everyday Life! 

The Doctor Syndrome

Wikipedia has an article about "white coat syndrome;" we Copts jokingly diagnose our grandmothers with "parking lot syndrome" on a weekly basis; and I think every medical student has diagnosed himself with at least one syndrome during his med school tenure (I know I have, multiple times, all turning out to be a figment of my hyperactive imagination; read: illness anxiety disorder). My best friend recently diagnosed me with another syndrome she cleverly made up to lump all my medical-school-induced faults together: the Doctor Syndrome.

I recently posted about confidence and what it means to me in the medical setting ("Be Confident, Small Immortals"). It seems natural to follow up with a post about arrogance and how to fight it. We've all seen it - the attending who walks around like he's God's gift to humanity, the doctor who makes his patient feel like an idiot for not knowing what "hypertension" means, the inexplicable arrogance that seems to exude from too many physicians just because they're so specialized in one field and probably make a lot of money doing it.

It's almost inevitable. Don't get me wrong - physicians work VERY VERY HARD to become what they are - medical school is NOT EASY, residency is MISERABLE, and the amount of sacrifice one has to make is sometimes just NOT WORTH IT. From the beginning of medical school to the end of residency, you are beaten down, trampled on, humiliated, embarrassed, reminded daily that you're at the very bottom of the totem pole. So when you finally achieve some measure of respect as an attending, it's easy for that respect to turn into arrogance. Now there is some confidence in your own medical knowledge, and you are privy to such intimate knowledge of the human body in a secret world that so few others are part of.

I think the best way to combat this is to remind yourself that YOU DON'T KNOW EVERYTHING. Having a good friend who can tell you, "Stop talking like you know everything," is a GREAT way to start. Surrounding yourself with kind, decent people who know a lot about subjects you know nothing about keeps you grounded.

Another thing I think can help - and this is pure speculation on my part, as I am not yet practicing - is to focus solely on your patients. Instead of thinking, "I'm great, I'm an attending, I'm all that, I have all of two lowly interns reporting to me," it might help to think, "I have a very sick patient in the next room, what can I do to make this patient better? May God grant me the clarity and wisdom to be able to give this patient the best quality care while he is in my hands." As C. S. Lewis wrote, "True humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less."

So, my fellow Coptic MDs, do yourselves a favor. Keep your head down and plough through. Don't forget that there's a whole ton you don't know. Don't be diagnosed with the Doctor Syndrome.

Bryan Stevenson - TEDMED 2012

I recently discovered an American activist by the name of Bryan Stevenson, an NYU law professor, the founder of the Equal Justice Initiative, and a powerful advocate for the poor and for people of color (read his full bio here).

Mr. Stevenson gave a standing-ovation-worthy talk at TEDMED 2012. If you've already dedicated time out of your day to read this simple blog post, I urge you to take a few more minutes to watch his talk here. Believe me, you'll be glad you did.

There are very few people I learn about via the internet or social media to whom I am immediately attracted. Bryan Stevenson made the cut. He speaks simply, directly, and humbly about real issues that matter. He gets to the heart of it. He doesn't admonish - he fixes. He's the sort of person you want to have dinner with so you can just sit and absorb his ideas.

Here are a few good quotes from the aforementioned talk. (Really, if you haven't watched it yet, WATCH IT. It'll be the most productive 20 minutes of your day.)

"I think if you're a doctor, you can do some amazing things, but if you're a compassionate doctor, you can do some extraordinary things." 

"In our country we ask the question, 'Do people deserve to die for the crime they've committed?' And to me I think the real question is, 'Do we deserve to kill?'"

 "The opposite of poverty is not wealth, but justice."

"In Germany, they can never have the death penalty again... [To quote a German citizen:] 'We understand our obligation to our history requires us to never engage in the systematic killing of human beings'...How would it feel if we lived in a world where the nation state of Germany was still executing people? And how would it feel if the people they were executing were disproportionately Jewish?...It's vastly unacceptable. I went through the states of the Old South and I went to death row where there's a disproportionately high percentage of people with color, and I went to the places were I saw old people humiliated as a child as a result of Jim Crow laws. I went to the places where the "White" and "Colored" signs used to be. I went to the places where people are still moving in the margins of our society with this burden of discrimination and bias sitting on top of them."

"It would be so much easier to put out the things that are so vexing and difficult. But sometimes I think you have to stand when everyone else is sitting, sometimes you have to say something when everyone else is quiet, and when you do that, yes you are burdened by all the challenges, but you are liberated by the possibilities of creating an identity that resonates in an honest way."